I’m a witch that’s made redundant; I’ve been and got the sack;
They’ve taken away me union card and they won’t give it back.
They’ve broken up me broomstick and chased away me cat,
Now all I’ve got is me book of spells and me big tall witch’s hat.
I used to be successful, I worked me spells alright,
I flew around and frightened folk in the middle of the night;
But one late night I lost me way, so dark I couldn’t see,
I landed me broomstick stuck in a farmer’s apple tree.
He wasn’t none too happy, to be honest nor was I,
I’m not that fond of apples excepting in a pie.
A branch had pierced me “You know what” and scratched me “You know where.”
I’d apples up me jumper and I’d tangled up me hair.
Another day I worked a spell to start a shower of rain,
But I hadn’t got the spell worked out to turn it off again.
The countryside was flooded from Land’s End to John O’Groats,
And the only happy people were the ones who sold raincoats.
A mean princess once asked me to turn a prince into a frog,
I ended up by turning her into a puppy dog;
She yapped at people’s ankles and tiddled on the floor,
And then she bit my finger to even up the score.
I once attempted something that really was quite hard,
I tried to make an express train from someone’s credit card,
It should have been quite easy but of course I made a mess,
And all I finished up with was American Express.
So now I’m still redundant, will no one take me in?
I’ll bring alone me book of spells and me real teak rollin’ pin.
I’m not too bad at pastry if you don’t mind if its green,
I make quite tasty sandwiches with beetles in between.
I’ll make the beds and sweep the floors and answer the doorbells,
But don’t ask me for magic, I’M JUST NO GOOD AT SPELLS!
